Growing up Fearless

 Today is my birthday 🥳  I am 49 and finally in a mind to figure out what I want from life  God has graciously given me three beautiful children , two grand children and two marriages that had different means for me.  I don’t see my first marriage as a failure in divorce. I see it as the beautiful inexperience of youth that gave me the children I have. It gave me the knowledge to know what I would need for daily happiness and it led me to my husband now that I love more daily which at times seems an impossible task.  This year has its ups and downs but reflecting today my gratitude for where am I goes all to God who gave me guidance when I needed it and didn’t listen to me when I was making the wrong choices in my life and asking for the wrong things.  Garth brooks had it right to sing about unanswered prayers because those quite often are what defines your life for the best.  I am the happiest I have ever been. In this moment at 49 I hope to carry this feeling from today to my 50th m

I wish more people could see the small moments for the large joys they are.  The soft looks of love through the light beaming in the window at night as you lay there discussing the day  The way your heart fills as you laugh at jokes The quiet drive to work when he reaches over and holds your hand  The discussion of chores he was doing to make your life easier  Texting silliness that no one should read  In a span of 24 hours my infinite supply of love for my husband grew.  Shining a light on them as they happen is the only way to survive long term

 I haven’t written for several days.  I am unsure if it’s the thought that my birthday is coming up and 49 is weighing on me heavily or if I simply have slipped into a coma of medicating with the television.  Today though was a heavy day .   19  Was the age she got her first horse  It coincidentally was the age of her horse too She was a black beauty , tall and shiny am with ears a little to big , the girl tiny and full of youth confidence  In the early days the young girl came and rode .  But her black beauty was pensive and quiet  Then the black mare  started consistently saying she didn’t want to be ridden The girl thought it was just an old horse being an old horse and Gave  up on her.   What was daily turned into once or twice weekly visits Until they found her biting at her stomach on the ground in her paddock  With rotted food in her gut . They tried to save her but today was her last day.  The girls mother took the mare out to grasss and let her eat her fill… Her girl didn’t sh