Loss

 I haven’t written for several days.  I am unsure if it’s the thought that my birthday is coming up and 49 is weighing on me heavily or if I simply have slipped into a coma of medicating with the television. 

Today though was a heavy day .  

19 

Was the age she got her first horse 

It coincidentally was the age of her horse too

She was a black beauty , tall and shiny am with ears a little to big , the girl tiny and full of youth confidence 

In the early days the young girl came and rode . 

But her black beauty was pensive and quiet 

Then the black mare  started consistently saying she didn’t want to be ridden

The girl thought it was just an old horse being an old horse and Gave  up on her.  

What was daily turned into once or twice weekly visits

Until they found her biting at her stomach on the ground in her paddock 

With rotted food in her gut . They tried to save her but today was her last day. 

The girls mother took the mare out to grasss and let her eat her fill…

Her girl didn’t show up . Her mom held the mare as she drew her last breathe 

The girl  let her go without saying goodbye 

My older heart cries for her youth that doesn’t know yet that these are the defining moments.  

Love isn’t about the easy moments .. it’s about showing up during the hard moments 

And her older wiser heart will yearn for those precious moments to seek forgiveness were given away. 

What a harsh lesson to learn with your first dream