Day 4 - awkwardness

 I just finished up my writing meeting and it’s  funny how the brain feeds information , quite often lies to ourselves. 

Today made me want to quit... it’s not because of anything that the absolute glorious and brilliant writing teacher said but because I feel awkward and stupid as if I don’t have the right to be zooming with anyone . 

Would this be how my character feels when she is working to solve a problem that she has zero possibilities of solving ? Would she want to quit because her emotions are raw and she feels dumb even though she has self taught herself with the help of the internet ? 

How do we as a collective not discuss our emotions and the fact they often times go against our brain and gut and play out in dragging us down ? 

How do we not see that every person has these emotions at moments when your staring out the window wondering why you were out in this world with the little demon of hell in your brain shouting you can’t do it ?  I often think of the book of job in  these moments ? How much can we take before we break vs how much can we survive before God fulfills our life to the fullest ?  How do we wrestle with these moments that hurt and still have the ability To have understanding we will never have the answers but are better than that moment ? 

I don’t know but what I do know is I will show up with more pages written next Thursday and try again.